I am trying to work out whether the BBC headline, ?Roeder plotted Ameobi opener?, is entirely serious.

Glenn may have expected the Everton defensive line to play the offside trap during at least one set-piece opportunity during the match, but did he really envisage a completely incompetent linesman forgetting the offside rule? And the Referee as well? I doubt it ? the hilarious comedy sketch that was the opening goal in last Saturdays 1-1 draw with Everton was capped by two wonderfully synchronised pieces of comedy acting by Ameobi and Moore. Finding himself with the ball at his feet, no whistle (as of yet) and only the keeper to beat, Strolla stopped and, along with Moore, gave a sideways look to see if the linesman really was that inept. He was. And a somewhat bemused Shola still had the time to put the ball in the net, just.

?It happens. I make mistakes and today the referee’s assistant made one,” was David Moyes? shockingly placid comment on the matter.

Time for electronic linesman, Hawk-eye and the like then? Being a football traditionalist I am thoroughly against such suggestions - controversy makes this sport interesting. If we didn?t expect mistakes then we would all be watching flawless computers playing flawless computers in a flawless (but terribly boring) match. I know it?s easy for me to say as my team benefited this time, but it?s good to vent frustration at useless officials and as long as it doesn?t get too ridiculous (the Ameobi goal being on the verge of this) I don?t think any other fan minds either. Without illogical refs (Poll) I?m sure domestic violence rates would soar.

Another reason is the school of philosophical thought that predicts that once a computer is built that can improve itself (and then the improved version can improve itself even further etc.) then that will be the end of mankind. I can?t say I?ve ever given it too much thought but I think that, just in case this end-of-mankind scenario could be sparked by super-intelligent linesmen (sic) and an improved hawk-eye, we should refrain from adding too much technology into the ruling of football. The theory, and me trying to link it into a Newcastle United column, is absurd of course. But just in case?.

Back into the world of football and Newcastle have today (Saturday 26th September) sacked assistant manager Kevin Bond after the allegations made in the Panorama programme last week. A couple of days ago Bond joined the half of England that are ?going to sue the BBC over false allegations?. No doubt the other half will join in sooner or later and we?ll all sue the BBC for everything they?ve got. Only then will we realise that we pay for the bastards, their court costs and their fines anyway.

Finally, we have two matches this week ? at home to Levadia Talinn and away at Old Trafford. I am hoping for at least one win, and with Levadia Talinn being of clearly inferior quality I?d love to see a Keegan-esque 6-0 rout of them, rather than scoring one goal, sitting back and playing quite badly as we usually do against shocking European competition. No disrespect to Talinn of course.

I fear a reverse rout at Old Trafford however, especially if we give them the amount of space gifted to Everton last Saturday. Our talismanic captain Scotty Parker is also cynical about the clubs prospects this year and next ? ?It’s going to be difficult at Old Trafford. We’re running out of defenders and it’s going to be hard. The season’s going to be difficult.” Bring on January I say.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 26th, 2006 at 12:19 pm and is filed under Newcastle United. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.