I Agree Jose, Filthy Diving Foreigners Are Corrupting Our Game

Don’t you just hate the way those disgusting foreigners come into our game and ruin it with their pretend card waving, their cynical fouling and their overly theatrical comedy diving routines? Wasn’t everything much better back in the good old days while the sixties were swinging and the seventies were all glammed up and football in the UK was a man’s game were everyone welcomed Chopper Harris and Norman Hunter’s cynical fouling and tubby maestro Franny Lee perfected the art of avoiding challenges but still throwing himself to the ground as if he’d been caught by a stray round from the grassy knoll. Glory days, halcyon days in fact and a bygone era we’ll never be able to return to now these cheating foreigners have taken over the game.

I’m just glad we’ve got men of principle like Arsene Wenger (who doesn’t like those filthy foreign types either) and our saviour, Jose Mourinho, who have the balls to tell it like it is and not allow cheating rotters like that Frank Rijkaard and his ilk come over here (or invite us round their place as the case may be) and corrupt our poor young players (and by our players I mean experienced Scandanavians who have been playing top flight football for a decade) into theatrically rolling around when hunting for penalties, much like the roly poly Franny Lee used to do back in the 1970s. Hold on, that can’t be right, an Englishman bringing diving into the English game nigh on thirty years ago? Surely I’m mistaken.

Wenger really can’t see incidents involving his own players, Mourinho abhors diving, Eidur Gudjohnsen had never seen a player dive before he went to Barcelona and Alan Shearer admonished Ben Thatcher for his use of the elbow on Pedro Mendes. Is it me or is it modern day Premiership football that lives in the twilight zone?