Good News! We’ve Started Hacking Footballers’ Phones!

Not wanting to be left behind in the competitive world of investigative sports journalism, I am proud to announce that as of last week State Of The Game has began a widespread phone hacking operation targeting anyone and everyone in the world of football. It’s early days and we’re not yet at News Of The World standards but here are a few interesting incites that we’ve been able to pick up recently:

Stuart Pearce –

29/02/12, 20:38, Message from Fabio Capello telling him to ‘rearrange the forwards’ and to ‘make a damn substitution or two if you want to win the game you idiot’

Peter Crouch –

01/02/12, 19:58, Message from the Pineapple Dance Studios confirming place on break-dancing course starting next week

David Beckham –

29/02/12, 00:02, Message from drunken sounding Alex Ferguson begging him to return to Manchester United

29/02/12, 00:14, Aggressive message from Ferguson threatening to ‘do something I’ll regret’ if Beckham doesn’t get on a plane to England straight away

29/02/12, 00:37, Remorseful message from Ferguson begging forgiveness for earlier messages blaming them on ‘a wee too much pep and whiskey’

Dimitar Berbatov –

28/02/12, 15:13, Long (twenty minutes plus) message from Michael Owen about a new type of metal being trialed for use in horse shoes and about the history of alloys in general, message not listened to in entirety due to boring content. Several (30+) similar messages on answerphone.

Mario Balotelli –

25/02/12, 09:46, Message from E&S Vehicle Recovery telling him his Ferrari had been recovered from the roof of the nunnery and that he could collect it subject to the £27,000 in accumulated parking fines being paid in full

25/02/12, 17:01, Message from his mother asking whether the rumours about him, the smuggled koalas and the legal case launched against him by the Australian Government were really true

Iain Dowie –

29/02/12, 16:07, Message from JJB Sports store, Rotherham, confirming private tracksuit fitting appointment next week

30/02/12, 20:17, Message from glazier with quote for replacement of every mirror in Dowie’s house

Harry Redknapp –

‘Answerphone not yet set up by user’