(I’m told this was originally done by The Fiver on The Guardian website - hilarious)

7.30am: Wake up in hotel after poor night’s sleep. Mint hadn’t been left on pillow and room service never arrived. Muppets! This wouldn’t happen in Manchester. Decide to quit and go home.

7.32am: Change mind and go into bathroom for a shave. Damn! Forgot to bring razor. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Scream at my reflection in mirror until it cowers in terror. Decide to quit and go home.

7.35am: Change mind, decide to calm down with brief workout, only to discover yoga mat hasn’t arrived. Call Mick McCarthy and tell him to stick it up his bollix. Decide to quit and go home.

7.40am: Change mind and write “to do” list: 1. Get Sunderland out of the relegation zone. 2. Send hampers full of kit, isotonic drinks, footballs and training cones to Late Wembley in preparation for 2011 FA Cup final. We might be in it.

7.42am: Decide to err on the side of caution by sending hampers to Cardiff too. Late Wembley might not be ready.

7.45am: Drag Triggs around Sunderland on end of lead. He clearly prefers Cheshire. Decide to quit and go home.

10am: Change mind and go for breakfast. Demand fresh fruit, cereal and pasta, but all they have left is kippers. Bah! Dead fish go with the flow.

10.05am: With vein in temple throbbing, demand to see hotel manager. Scream in his face, pull his arm off and beat him over the head with soggy end. “Take that you ****. And that! And don’t accuse me of faking injuries again.”

10.30am: Spend two hours trying to insert clothes hanger in mouth in preparation for meeting press. If they see me smiling they might not be so frightened.

12.30pm: Order fleet of 100 taxis and tell each of them to lead me to the Stadium Of Light so I can follow them. I don’t want to get lost and be late on my first day.

12.35pm: Gridlock! Abandon car and run to stadium. Traffic in Sunderland is terrible. What’s with all these taxis?

1pm: Sit down beside my new boss, Niall. Chair is too hard. This wouldn’t happen at Old Trafford. Decide to quit and go home.

1.01pm: Change mind, field questions and put paid to unfair reputation as psychotic Irishman by giving thoughtful, intelligent answers.

On my relationship with Mother Teresa: “I think it will be fine. A lot of people are making a big issue out of the past but we sorted it out a few months ago. I think it’s important to move on.”

On my reputation as a perfectionist: “All I expected from my team-mates was 100%. I never criticised people for having bad games, I criticised people for slacking off and not being focused on the job.”

On taking the Sunderland job: “It’s been a very hectic few days, I’m absolutely knackered already. Sunderland is a big club, with a beautiful stadium, a big fan base and I thought ‘why not?’” On my plans for the season: “Win the next game. I’ve brought Tony [Loughlan, head coach] with me; there are already good coaches at the club so I’m not looking to make too many changes too quickly. The players and staff deserve their chance.”

1.30pm: Leave press conference without reducing any hacks to tears. Decide to quit and go home.

(With thanks to Corkcityspur on FTL)

We’re delighted here at State of the Game to help our friends at North East football magazine ‘Players Inc.’ publicise the release of Issue 7 of their great magazine covering all of the main talking points in football in the North East, from Newcastle United, Middlesbrough, Sunderland, Hartlepool United and Darlington.

?Players Inc? is a monthly magazine covering all aspects of North East Football. Founded in July 2005 ?Players Inc? aims to bring you the views of some of the most respected names in North East Football and from the most important people in North East Football?.you the fans!

Every 2 months we will be bringing you a mixture of hard hitting articles written by people who have played at the top level and letting you have your say on your particular clubs fortunes. We are on the look out for regular contributors for our publication, so if you feel that you have something that you want to get off your chest then drop us a line on paper or a tablet of stone, or email us using a virus free pc, or ring us on our phone number and we will give you the chance to let the world know what you really think. We are also on the look out for match day sellers at all North East grounds.

So if you fancy making yourself a few quid before you cheer on your favourites then please give us a bell. We pay very good rates. Honest! You may also be interested in hiring one of our former players for a sportsman?s dinner or an end of season presentation night. If you are, then, once again contact ?Players Inc? and we will guarantee you a night to remember. Look forward to hearing from you all. Enjoy??

Email: playersinc@hotmail.com

Website: www.playersinc.org.uk

Telephone: 07950180922

Contact Steve at Players Inc about getting your copy today. Players Inc have a great range of football writers including State of the Game’s own Gareth Johnson so give them your support.

Football Punter has been watching the Sunderland manager’s situation this week and with former Manchester United legend Roy Keane ready to take over the hotseat under his former Irish teammate Niall Quinn’s chairmanship it looks like there will be plenty of interesting stories coming out of the Stadium of Light over the next few months.

VC Bet have put together a series of Specials as Keane prepares to take up the reins and Football Punter has found a few of them especially interesting.

Do you fancy Sunderland to win the Championship, win promotion or just make it to the play-offs? Maybe you think Keane won’t see next season or even the New Year in the hotseat? Either way VC Bet have got some great odds on these bets and seeing as they are offering a free ?20 bet to new signups at the minute it could be worth signing up for a bit of interest in the goings on in the North East.

Football Punter takes a good look at VC Bet’s offerings and examines the latest odds at Roy Keane and Sunderland.

Sign up now with VC Bet and get a free ?20 bet as a singing on bonus!

I saw this rumour before heading off to bed last night and thought I would give it a few hours unti lthis morning to see whether it would really pan out. The rumour persists in a strong fashion so we might as well discuss it.

I’m truly flabberghasted I have to say. Niall Quinn’s inglorious spell as manager of the shellshocked and war weary Sunderland side has obviously came to an end as big Niall realises that there’s just a little more to this management lark than meets the eye and then promises the Black Cats fans a “world class manager” to lift thir spirits and fortunes.

I shuddered when i heard the words “world class” being used because I knew straight away that it was going to be either a decrepit old time manager (like George Graham) or a recently retired high profile player with no actual experience and it looks like I was right.
(more…)

An ultimate abuse of power or the appointment that will end Sunderland?s recent spell as the Premiership?s yo-yo club? I?m talking about new Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn?s decision to appoint himself manager at the Stadium of Light aster his recent takeover.

Completely inexperienced at a management level at any football league club, Quinn is taking a massive gamble in the hope that his knowledge and experience of playing in the English top flight as well as a successful international career with the Republic of Ireland can help him reignite the fires under Sunderland and get them back into the Premiership at the first time of asking.

After reportedly being turned down by Martin O?Neill and Sam Allardyce in theur pursuit of a permanent replacement for the ousted Mick McCarthy, Sunderland will now entered uncharted waters as they face a monumental task in turning around their fortunes both on and off the pitch under the new Quinn regime.